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Add Smile Power to Your Life to Empower Your Relationships
People with a great smile radiate a warmth that draws others to
them instantly.
Several years ago I was in a San Diego restaurant with my
mother. While I paid the check, we both noticed an elderly woman
waiting to be seated. As we left the restaurant, Mom asked, "Did
you notice that woman with the wonderful smile?" I most
certainly did. Her smile lit up the room. It was a smile to die
for; one that would certainly win instant friends. It was a
smile that you don't often see in a stranger. And maybe Mom and
I smiled back, I don't remember. Mom later commented, "I wish
I'd told her what a terrific smile she had." But neither of us
had. We'd both received a gift without saying thank-you.
Later, on my long drive home, I stopped at a fast-food
restaurant for a quick bite. A 70ish woman waited by the
condiment bar while her husband ordered. She glanced my way and
smiled brightly. It was one of those smiles that broadcast, "I
love life!"
I wasn't going to let THIS opportunity pass. I was going to say
SOMETHING. As I approached this woman from 30 feet away, her
smile melted into a rather startled look; as if asking, "Did I
do something wrong?" I walked over to her and simply said, "You
have a wonderful smile!" Wow, did her face light up! And she
responded with an enthusiastic, "Thank You". My comment probably
made her day, but it also made MY day. We truly exchanged gifts
that afternoon.
SMILES: INSTANT FACELIFTS
Life's lessons have taught me this: a smile is the number one
feature that makes people attractive. It's a welcome mat. It's
what makes folks approachable. People with a great smiles
radiate a warmth that draws others to them instantly.
Some people naturally have a great smile. Others, analytical
types like me, must work at it. One way to tell if you're in my
category is to recall picking up your developed photos. As you
flipped through the pictures, you didn't like the way you looked
in most of them. But then...you discovered that one great
picture of yourself. In it, you look friendly, you're smiling
broadly and your eyes twinkle. Now THAT picture looks like you!
I hate to say it, but ALL the pictures look like you, even those
you dislike. Unfortunately, those "bad" photos, where your face
doesn't look its best, portray how you often appear. In fact,
you might normally look even worse, since you were TRYING to
look good for the camera. Usually you're not even making that
effort, and may appear even less inviting than you do in "bad"
photos. And if you're like me, you assume you're not
particularly photogenic and that your smile needs work. When
you've mastered your smile, you'll consistently look better in
photos. Most important, though, you'll be more attractive and
approachable every day.
When you're having a good time, does your face show it? You
might be surprised. Years ago I dropped into a comedy club in
Montgomery, Alabama. I was sitting in the front row, where one
is typically fair game to be picked on by the comedian. But
being the non-expressive, serious Norwegian that I am, I wasn't
giving the comic the jovial feedback he needed. I was enjoying
the show, but in a straight-faced manner. About halfway through
the show, the comic interrupted his routine to ask me
point-blank, "Are you having a good time?" I responded, "I'm
having a great time." His comeback: "Well then, tell your face!"
I was enjoying the program, laughing inside, even studying the
performer's humor and technique. BUT...not giving him any
outward indication.
In everyday life the same concept applies. You might be enjoying
your job, but fail to show it. You may want to meet someone, yet
not give them a single, friendly clue. You can even be IN LOVE
with somebody, and totally hide it. Your face should express
what you feel when you wish to connect with others.
SMILE AEROBICS FOR EMOTIONAL HEALTH
One way to become better at smiling is increasing
your
awareness. Take notice of those you find warm and inviting. Is
it their smile? Make an effort to LOOK for great smiles. Notice
the appeal of people who smile with their EYES, not just their
mouth. The whole face gets involved. Consider these people your
models. Study yourself in the mirror. How do you look in the
rest room, when shopping, and while passing a reflective window?
Do you look friendly? Approachable? Do you really LIKE the image
you're projecting?
In fact, a mirror is ideal for your smile workout. Practice
various smiles toward capturing that perfect look for the
camera. Work on expressing your smile with your eyes. A tip: cut
a paper rectangle that permits you to see only your eyes in the
mirror. Practice smiling just with your eyes. Get used to the
feel of your cheekbones as they lift to brighten your eyes. When
you see how a great smile LOOKS, remember how it FEELS. When you
can finally project your best smile, hold it. Turn away from the
mirror. How does your face feel? What muscles are you using?
Make an effort to develop muscle memory, so you can instantly
recreate this smile at will.
THE SMILING REMINDER
Sometimes it's life's little reminders that help us focus on
making self-improvements. I set out to find a "smile" lapel pin
as a permanent token of my smile's importance. After a fruitless
one-year search, I commissioned the design and production of
smile pins. Now when I encounter a total stranger with a
million-dollar smile (not an everyday occurrence), I share the
compliment, "You have a wonderful smile...thanks for brightening
my day! I'd like you to have my golden smile pin." Then I might
add, "And someday, when YOU see a total stranger with a
fantastic smile, you can pass on the pin to them."
This little reminder has conditioned me to search out life's
glowing smiles, and not to allow them to pass unnoticed. I
always carry "golden smile" pins. And when I spot a show-stopper
smile, I always express my appreciation.
Other strategic pluses:
1. The pin reminds me never to leave home half-dressed: without
my smile. Even while I'm running routine errands, it keeps me
focused on smiles as life's true blessings.
2. By shaping my focus, the pin increases awareness of my public
appearance and attitude. For example, when in a grocery line, I
don't want the checker to glance up and think, "Why in heaven's
name is this sourpuss wearing a smile pin?" It forces me to wear
a friendly face all day.
3. The pin encourages me to compliment others. When I fail to
say a kind word about someone's beautiful smile, I feel guilty.
Now, that's what I call constructive guilt! We've often been
conditioned to feel shame because we've not lived up to what
others expect, but isn't it more positive to suffer guilt for
failing our OWN expectations?
You needn't search for a smile pin to remind you. You can choose
another object, like a clown pin, that will program you to focus
on smile power. Or consider something that nobody else sees,
like whimsical underwear. In fact, you may discover that the
sheer strength of just your awareness can create positive life
changes. With practice you can focus on life's smiles; and
create your own relaxed, naturally warm smile. And THEN when you
get back a roll of photos, you'll like almost all of them!
That's certainly been my pleasant experience. And when you
encounter customers, strangers, or loved ones, you'll always be
ready to pass on your award-winning smile!
About the author:
John Kinde is a humor specialist who has been in the training
and speaking business for over 30 years specializing in
teambuilding, customer service and stress management. Special
reports available: Show Me The Funny -- Tips for Adding Humor to
Your Presentations and When They Don't Laugh -- What To Do When
the Laughter Doesn't Come. Humor Power Tips newsletter and
articles are available at http://www.HumorPower.com.
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